26-05-2006, 07:49 AM
New Beginning .............
So sorry to read about your loss !!
Coping with death is different with each individual - there are 5 or 6 stages of mourning, as I recall - but none of us deal with that stages the same.
First is shock, second is not wanting to acknowledge - like as in trying to think if you're not thinking about it, it might just get better (which is not gonna happen for sure!), grieving, etc, where the last stage is accepting it, dealing with it and moving on. And I must add - time is not the best healer, as many might think - sometimes time can make it worse if matters are not dealt with.
While some might, for instance - experience stage 3, others might go through stage 5 at the time - or vice versa. You may think your brother has dealt with it very well, but sometimes people keep up appearances to look quite 'over it' - not to look weak, or to help their families keeping sane, etc. -
none of us experience grief in the same way or order - like a prescription to work through and then you'll be cured ..........??
Not gonna go into details on an open forum - but I went through a horrific experience many moons ago - and up till this day I KNOW I have never dealt with it "properly', so to speak - wanted to be strong to be able to 'cope' with it, for me and my family's sake, etc .......... 10 years on I ended up at a psycholigist for totally 'different' reasons - and that was the first time I ever 'really' spoke to someone about my loss. As a result I went for hypnosis - a very light form where one still knows exactly what your saying and doing, but kind of being unable to hold back emotions, grief and sorrow - and it meant the world to me !!! Just being able to talk, telling someone not that close to you that you might never even meet again - does wonders for the soul !! It seems when talking to loved ones or family that one just 'upsets' them all over again by mentioning it, but at the same time you have so many things inside which you want to shout out !!
So I can really recommend seeing someone for a period of time - not thinking you are weak to need someone - but to regain your own courage and peace .......
To be honest and without looking for sympathy - the death of someone so close to you can really never be totally 'overcome' - but going through the motions might just help you to stay sane (a little .......... :-) )
Be thankful that you were able to spend time with him, cherish your memories, speak to him whenever you miss him - and you're even allowed to be angry at him sometimes for leaving too soon .........
For you being so far away, I cannot even imagine how much more difficult that becomes - but please don't try to do this on your own - talking to your husband might seem to be opening up all the raw emotions again - that's why I suggest you get help from 'outside' - and as frightful as it may seem at first to talk to a 'stranger' - that is just one of the stages that can help you to find your 'New Beginning' ........
Good luck and wishing you all of the best !!!
:lovef:
So sorry to read about your loss !!
Coping with death is different with each individual - there are 5 or 6 stages of mourning, as I recall - but none of us deal with that stages the same.
First is shock, second is not wanting to acknowledge - like as in trying to think if you're not thinking about it, it might just get better (which is not gonna happen for sure!), grieving, etc, where the last stage is accepting it, dealing with it and moving on. And I must add - time is not the best healer, as many might think - sometimes time can make it worse if matters are not dealt with.
While some might, for instance - experience stage 3, others might go through stage 5 at the time - or vice versa. You may think your brother has dealt with it very well, but sometimes people keep up appearances to look quite 'over it' - not to look weak, or to help their families keeping sane, etc. -
none of us experience grief in the same way or order - like a prescription to work through and then you'll be cured ..........??
Not gonna go into details on an open forum - but I went through a horrific experience many moons ago - and up till this day I KNOW I have never dealt with it "properly', so to speak - wanted to be strong to be able to 'cope' with it, for me and my family's sake, etc .......... 10 years on I ended up at a psycholigist for totally 'different' reasons - and that was the first time I ever 'really' spoke to someone about my loss. As a result I went for hypnosis - a very light form where one still knows exactly what your saying and doing, but kind of being unable to hold back emotions, grief and sorrow - and it meant the world to me !!! Just being able to talk, telling someone not that close to you that you might never even meet again - does wonders for the soul !! It seems when talking to loved ones or family that one just 'upsets' them all over again by mentioning it, but at the same time you have so many things inside which you want to shout out !!
So I can really recommend seeing someone for a period of time - not thinking you are weak to need someone - but to regain your own courage and peace .......
To be honest and without looking for sympathy - the death of someone so close to you can really never be totally 'overcome' - but going through the motions might just help you to stay sane (a little .......... :-) )
Be thankful that you were able to spend time with him, cherish your memories, speak to him whenever you miss him - and you're even allowed to be angry at him sometimes for leaving too soon .........
For you being so far away, I cannot even imagine how much more difficult that becomes - but please don't try to do this on your own - talking to your husband might seem to be opening up all the raw emotions again - that's why I suggest you get help from 'outside' - and as frightful as it may seem at first to talk to a 'stranger' - that is just one of the stages that can help you to find your 'New Beginning' ........
Good luck and wishing you all of the best !!!
:lovef: