08-06-2006, 10:39 AM
I can not express enough what an interesting read this has been for me!
My mother is one of those South Africans that married a Norwegian and from the age of 3- I was raised in Norway. I loved my childhood and found it very difficult to understand why my mother was always so angry and depressed in Norway.
Forgive me if I sound harsh but I have 2 sick kids fighting with oneanother in the back ground so I don't exactly have 'time' to think carefully about my words.
I could never understand my mother and her constant complaining-telling me how much better SA was and how much nicer the people were. My world was perfect and as a child I never experienced the 'politics' that I now understand my mother must have experienced especially during the 80's.
As a young adult I would get the occasional questions such as :"do you live in huts, are there lions in the streets?" Duh..... but anyway. My personal favourite was when a school friend's young wife saw a photo of my ex husband and exlaimed:"but he's white! How can he be South African?!". My response was simply :"have you never heard of apartheid-how could there be apartheid if there were no white people in SA?".
My last move back 'home' was as a mother married to a South African husband. My second son was born in Norway. When I brought him home the neighbours brought me presents and wanted to see the baby. One of the girls said to me:"I must be honest, I'm dying to know..... did he come out dark?".
I burst out laughing and said;"would it matter to you if he was dark?"(this is how Norwegians refer to people of colour).
The last two years that I spent in Norway triggered of memories from my childhood and suddenly my mother's strange behaviour made so much more sense. I remembered 'Dotti' the nice lady with the dark skin that came from the same country as my mother. I remembered how they used to put their arms around oneanother and cry then laugh as they tried to overcome their tears. I remembered how the children at school used to tease Dotti's son and call him 'kunta kinte'(Movie roots). I remembered a man saying to my mother:"you don't belong here-go back to black Africa!" and how she burst into tears and ran away. Only now do I appreciate how fortunate I am that I have never had to go through that in my life.
I can never understand what it is like to be a complete stranger in a country like Norway because nobody ever thinks of me as being anything else but Norwegian - my blond hair and blue eyes with my fluent Norwegian takes care of that. But now at least I understand so much more and it has brought my mother and I so much closer. Maybe if my mother had access to a support group her experience of Norway would have been so much more different. Instead she is bitter and blames Norway for all the unhappiness in her life. It did not help that my little brother was killed whilst in the Norwegian military. In her mind Norway has 'taken' everything away from her.
I love Norway and it gives me a sense of belonging that SA never has. After all-my childhood memories are from there.But I do agree-there is a life and rythm in SA that I have never found in Europe. SA has taught me something about different cultures and global life that Norway never could. But most importantly South African people have taught me the art of 'conversation'. The confidence to just walk up to anybody and strike up a conversation about anything at anytime, anywhere.
That is what I will miss the most about South Africa.
Caroline
My mother is one of those South Africans that married a Norwegian and from the age of 3- I was raised in Norway. I loved my childhood and found it very difficult to understand why my mother was always so angry and depressed in Norway.
Forgive me if I sound harsh but I have 2 sick kids fighting with oneanother in the back ground so I don't exactly have 'time' to think carefully about my words.
I could never understand my mother and her constant complaining-telling me how much better SA was and how much nicer the people were. My world was perfect and as a child I never experienced the 'politics' that I now understand my mother must have experienced especially during the 80's.
As a young adult I would get the occasional questions such as :"do you live in huts, are there lions in the streets?" Duh..... but anyway. My personal favourite was when a school friend's young wife saw a photo of my ex husband and exlaimed:"but he's white! How can he be South African?!". My response was simply :"have you never heard of apartheid-how could there be apartheid if there were no white people in SA?".
My last move back 'home' was as a mother married to a South African husband. My second son was born in Norway. When I brought him home the neighbours brought me presents and wanted to see the baby. One of the girls said to me:"I must be honest, I'm dying to know..... did he come out dark?".
I burst out laughing and said;"would it matter to you if he was dark?"(this is how Norwegians refer to people of colour).
The last two years that I spent in Norway triggered of memories from my childhood and suddenly my mother's strange behaviour made so much more sense. I remembered 'Dotti' the nice lady with the dark skin that came from the same country as my mother. I remembered how they used to put their arms around oneanother and cry then laugh as they tried to overcome their tears. I remembered how the children at school used to tease Dotti's son and call him 'kunta kinte'(Movie roots). I remembered a man saying to my mother:"you don't belong here-go back to black Africa!" and how she burst into tears and ran away. Only now do I appreciate how fortunate I am that I have never had to go through that in my life.
I can never understand what it is like to be a complete stranger in a country like Norway because nobody ever thinks of me as being anything else but Norwegian - my blond hair and blue eyes with my fluent Norwegian takes care of that. But now at least I understand so much more and it has brought my mother and I so much closer. Maybe if my mother had access to a support group her experience of Norway would have been so much more different. Instead she is bitter and blames Norway for all the unhappiness in her life. It did not help that my little brother was killed whilst in the Norwegian military. In her mind Norway has 'taken' everything away from her.
I love Norway and it gives me a sense of belonging that SA never has. After all-my childhood memories are from there.But I do agree-there is a life and rythm in SA that I have never found in Europe. SA has taught me something about different cultures and global life that Norway never could. But most importantly South African people have taught me the art of 'conversation'. The confidence to just walk up to anybody and strike up a conversation about anything at anytime, anywhere.
That is what I will miss the most about South Africa.
Caroline