Please help! Bladder and Speech! Worried Mum!

[Poppet]

Hello Everyone.....

Long time no speak!

Right, straight into I think...... I have been at my wits end and was wondering if anyone could help me.

My son, almost 4, has a problem with his bladder control and is starting to develop speech problems too.

He's been toilet trained for a while now, and it's been going really well, however a few months ago he started wetting his trousers at his childminders house. He never does it at home on the weekends, or when we go out, or when he's at Playgroup, or when we go travelling.....

I took him to the doctor and they took a sample of his urine and tested it and there is nothing wrong, no infections. The doc suggested as it's homed in on one place that it's an anxiety thing.

I've tried everything I can think of, talking nicely about it to him and asking him where does he need to go when he needs to wee, he answers 'the toilet mum'. I've tried confiscating some of his favourite toys and if he's comes home with dry pants then he gets it back, bribery and corruption, everything you can imagine I've tried it. It doesn't seem to make a difference.

Thankfully the childminder has given me notice to end our contract, and I'm hoping that when we are on holiday that I can make amends and rectify any damage that has been done, I just would like to know how I can try and rectify it now while he's still at the childminder that makes him anxious?

I've even asked the Childminder to not mention it infront of him when I pick him up, as I feel that she's aggrevating the situation by bluntly telling me where he did it and how he did it. I feel like I'm a bad mum when she goes on about it..... I so want to tell her to go ......(censored), then I think I can't say anything to her as she's got my son for the day and who knows what she says to him or what she does with him.... So I hold my tongue and say nothing.... Smile sweetly and leave feeling as guilty as anything!

Another concern that I have is that he's started a stammer on most of his words when starting his sentences, he'll start with I, I, I, I or When, when, when, when, at first I thought it was because he gets excited when he wants to tell me something, the only thing is it's getting worse as time goes by.....

Over a weekend it'll die down and he doesn't do it as much, when the week starts it gets worse, and by Friday he's a nervous wreck......

I would really appreciate all your experiences and feedback......

[dudette]

I'm no expert, but it certainly sounds like something stress-related... how long has he been with the childminder? How many others is the childminder looking after? How often does he do it at her place? How about speaking to your doctor or district nurse about your concerns and seeing if they could give you some advice or refer you to someone who is an expert?

How soon before your little one goes on holiday from her? I hope you can sort this out soon.

[nessduck]

Originally posted by Poppet
Hello Everyone.....

Long time no speak!

Right, straight into I think...... I have been at my wits end and was wondering if anyone could help me.

My son, almost 4, has a problem with his bladder control and is starting to develop speech problems too.

He's been toilet trained for a while now, and it's been going really well, however a few months ago he started wetting his trousers at his childminders house. He never does it at home on the weekends, or when we go out, or when he's at Playgroup, or when we go travelling.....

I took him to the doctor and they took a sample of his urine and tested it and there is nothing wrong, no infections. The doc suggested as it's homed in on one place that it's an anxiety thing.

I've tried everything I can think of, talking nicely about it to him and asking him where does he need to go when he needs to wee, he answers 'the toilet mum'. I've tried confiscating some of his favourite toys and if he's comes home with dry pants then he gets it back, bribery and corruption, everything you can imagine I've tried it. It doesn't seem to make a difference.

Thankfully the childminder has given me notice to end our contract, and I'm hoping that when we are on holiday that I can make amends and rectify any damage that has been done, I just would like to know how I can try and rectify it now while he's still at the childminder that makes him anxious?

I've even asked the Childminder to not mention it infront of him when I pick him up, as I feel that she's aggrevating the situation by bluntly telling me where he did it and how he did it. I feel like I'm a bad mum when she goes on about it..... I so want to tell her to go ......(censored), then I think I can't say anything to her as she's got my son for the day and who knows what she says to him or what she does with him.... So I hold my tongue and say nothing.... Smile sweetly and leave feeling as guilty as anything!

Another concern that I have is that he's started a stammer on most of his words when starting his sentences, he'll start with I, I, I, I or When, when, when, when, at first I thought it was because he gets excited when he wants to tell me something, the only thing is it's getting worse as time goes by.....

Over a weekend it'll die down and he doesn't do it as much, when the week starts it gets worse, and by Friday he's a nervous wreck......

I would really appreciate all your experiences and feedback......

oh poppet, i can really empathise!! though i am no expert, only a mom, it sounds like the little one is really anxious and nervous at the childminders. does he resist when you drop him off??? i would say just shower him with lots of love, don't refer to the accidents, and he's sure to be dry again soon. maybe the woman makes him really nervous when he has accidents, and this has made the situation worse, with his nerves getting the better of him.... vicious circle, i know. hang in there, you are doing a great job. oh yes, ask the childminder not to reprimand him when he has an accident... i have heard that actually punishing accidents can make things worse with them getting more and more nervous and resulting in more accidents.... just a thought.

[Poppet]

Originally posted by dudette
I'm no expert, but it certainly sounds like something stress-related... how long has he been with the childminder? How many others is the childminder looking after? How often does he do it at her place? How about speaking to your doctor or district nurse about your concerns and seeing if they could give you some advice or refer you to someone who is an expert?

How soon before your little one goes on holiday from her? I hope you can sort this out soon.

Hey Dudette,

He's been with her since we moved her from SA, over 2 years now. He does it at least 2-3 sometimes 4 times a day.
I've taken him to the doc and he said that if there's no infections, it's most certainly a nervous-anxiety thing and I need to look at making some changes. I was thinking about going to the health visitor, about his speech, as they would most certainly refer me to someone that could help....

I'm counting the days.....it's the 6th August that the contract ends. I've already found a new Childminder and she sounds wonderful! I'm really hoping that he enjoys time with her more. I feel better about him going to her from September than I do taking him to this childminder.

[Ash]

Did the childminder give you notice...? And what were her reasons for giving you notice?

It sounds to me like your son did not like it at the childminders?

[Poppet]

Originally posted by nessduck
oh poppet, i can really empathise!! though i am no expert, only a mom, it sounds like the little one is really anxious and nervous at the childminders. does he resist when you drop him off??? i would say just shower him with lots of love, don't refer to the accidents, and he's sure to be dry again soon. maybe the woman makes him really nervous when he has accidents, and this has made the situation worse, with his nerves getting the better of him.... vicious circle, i know. hang in there, you are doing a great job. oh yes, ask the childminder not to reprimand him when he has an accident... i have heard that actually punishing accidents can make things worse with them getting more and more nervous and resulting in more accidents.... just a thought.

Hey ND,

He never used to resist, lately he's been asking me if we can go home when I drop him off, it's really heartbreaking when he says that, I tell him to look forward to me picking him up when I've finished work. That seems to help him go through the door, knowing that I'll be there to fetch him later.....

Thanks for the motivation, sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right or wrong things, special being a single mum, you don't have anyone around to bounce ideas off of.

I've always given him loads of love and affection, that's never starved of in our house ......

I've tried to tell her not to reprimand him, it's quite difficult sometimes, cause you don't have a handle on what goes on there, and you don't know what they do once you've left the house for work .....

I will ignore it though and not make a fuss about it and he'll eventually come right....

Thanks for all the help and advice!

[Poppet]

Originally posted by Ash
Did the childminder give you notice...? And what were her reasons for giving you notice?

It sounds to me like your son did not like it at the childminders?

Hey Ash,

She gave me notice because she's going to be studying to be a teacher (wrong profession for her if you ask me!) so it wasn't a bad thing.

Thing is I asked him if he wants to go somewhere else and he got really distraught and said ni he wants to stay with her, so I don't really know what the poor child is going through everyday. One minute he's anxious and nervous, the next he's telling me he doesn't want to go anywhere else.

I know it'll all be over soon and I hope that he's happier with the new childminder. She does seem lovely, and a bit more experienced than his current one.

[nessduck]

Originally posted by Poppet
Hey ND,

He never used to resist, lately he's been asking me if we can go home when I drop him off, it's really heartbreaking when he says that, I tell him to look forward to me picking him up when I've finished work. That seems to help him go through the door, knowing that I'll be there to fetch him later.....

Thanks for the motivation, sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right or wrong things, special being a single mum, you don't have anyone around to bounce ideas off of.

I've always given him loads of love and affection, that's never starved of in our house ......

I've tried to tell her not to reprimand him, it's quite difficult sometimes, cause you don't have a handle on what goes on there, and you don't know what they do once you've left the house for work .....

I will ignore it though and not make a fuss about it and he'll eventually come right....

Thanks for all the help and advice!

hey poppet... sounds like you are thinking and doing all the right things!!! as to the showering him with love, didn't mean to sound like i thought you weren't....
i would be rather firm with this childminder, as she is a grown woman, and he is a little boy. her actions (whatever they may be) of now will help mould him into the person he will become and a setback like this could have repercussions that she won't be around to see.... offending her sensibilities is well worth it if she backs off and lets the little soul be!! good luck :thumbs:

[Poppet]

Originally posted by nessduck
hey poppet... sounds like you are thinking and doing all the right things!!! as to the showering him with love, didn't mean to sound like i thought you weren't....
i would be rather firm with this childminder, as she is a grown woman, and he is a little boy. her actions (whatever they may be) of now will help mould him into the person he will become and a setback like this could have repercussions that she won't be around to see.... offending her sensibilities is well worth it if she backs off and lets the little soul be!! good luck :thumbs:

Thanks ND! Muchly appreciated!
I will take it up with her!
I'm responsible for my little soul, and as you said who knows what repercussions it may have on him.... never thought about that, thanks!

Thanks to everyone, feel loads better. *Sigh*
Take care!

[Venus]

Shame, Poppet! It sounds like a good thing that he'll be going to a new childminder. Obviously something is going on at her house that is distressing him very deeply. Have you questioned him at all about how she treats the children? Are you able to chat to any of the other parents who have children with her about how their kids are doing? Is there any way that you could remove him from her house immediately? Here is a :hug: for your little one!