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From 1975 till 1980 I was seeing a beautiful (Cape Malay) lady Shophia, on the secret/quiet.

Condemned firstly by apartheid and not being able to see each other legally. Only being able to eat at international hotels, go to The Nico Malan (cinemas only if we risked going to a non white one), etc. This after being asked to leave establishments or refused entry on more than one occasion. Not to mention that I lived in the Northern Suburbs of Cape Town, being 90% Afrikaans/very verkramped and NOT accepting. Not to mention her having to get out of the car blocks away from my flat, and entering the back door like a maid. To these experiences I could probably write a book.

Then came the condemnation from her Father and Brothers who literally wanted to kill me, as I was not a Muslim. Her Mom accepted things and we used to meet her on the very rare occasion in secret. Not to mention the risks by the un-accepting gangs when we were in the Cape Flats anywhere.

Last but not least was my then choice to make a career in the Military (I was doing national service then). I chose my career over our relationship, and ended our relationship. The career risk and retribution from the senior ranks in the SADF were far too great.

She was now living in Johannesburg, as it was then easier for us to see each other when I got a break from The Border, and we could escape all the personal condemnations in Cape Town. Plus she landed a great job teaching drama there.

I remember that night as clear as day light, my heart broke and am sure I had tears in my eyes nearly all the way to Durban (where I had to report for duty the next morning), and remembering I was raised to believe that men don't cry. I am sure it must have killed her, as she loved me unconditionally and was prepared to sacrifice everything (even her family) for me. As I left her sitting on the floor crying uncontrollably and hysterical as I told her of my decision, that our relationship had to end.

I gave into the pressures and norms of society UNFORTUNATELY.

Well a few years later in the military I decided otherwise, and did not extend my contract.

I have tried everything over the years to trace her, but her Mother and family deny her existence, even when other Muslim/Malay ladies have tried to inquire on my behalf.

All I want to do is say how SORRY I am, for all the pain and anguish I must have put her through, as I literally dumped her. I don't have many regrets in my life, but the way and why I ended our relationship sure is one.

Apartheid and religious boundaries killed it for us
, and sure this just is an action replay for many others from our time.

Shophia you had and will always have a very special place in my heart, and hope that you have found love and acceptance wherever you might be in this beautiful world. As I did 25 years later, letting somebody back into my heart again and got married.

this is a wonderful piece of writing, heartfelt and unconditional

love across the borders is never an easy prospect

may both of you live in happiness wherever you may be


What a touching article :hartlik: ...really moved me...had me :bigcry: for ages..
Thank you for this and for being so upfront and honest - I know off at least four others that something of a similar thing happened - one chap was caught by the authorities and committed suicide afterwards, one of them left SA and now lives here in the UK with the lovely lady and we are still great friends, one was fortunate enough to continue the realationship in SA without it being found out and they are now very happy together in Durban, whilst the other lad and lady in question were there one moment and the next gone - I suspect they went somewhere where they were accepted.

So to read this in this way - Anon - I can only agree with TheDuck in wishing you both, wherever you both may be, everything of the very very best and do hope that as you have now found happiness so did she.

God Bless You Both.
A Truly touching piece of writing, having also lived in the Cape in the same period I could certainly relate to the pressures you both must have felt.

I truly hope, (as others) that She also has found happiness in the passing years, as you seem to have found your happiness.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us.... it touched our hearts!
Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Anon. Smile
Holy K***!

you made me cry like a baby :bigcry: Confusedad: