Same Venus. I have two and struggle with the same issues. What helped me greatly was getting more involved in the community. After all Britain consists of 33% 'lone families'. I assist with NSPCC , our local playgroup, Women's Aid etc. It has taught me the pleasures of giving rather than receiving. And I'm not lonely anymore.
Just bringing this to the top!
Think all those sites Venus are tip top (I work for the last one so lol )
HAve been using the Gingerbread one at the minute and in the past.. and it's proved invaluable with legal advice but without the lawyer talk (& fees!).
But you know, being a single parent isn't about just legal stuff. It's being both Mom and Dad sometimes - my one's father has no contact (his own choice) and I do find it hard to get the balance just right. To be good 'cop' and bad 'cop' is a fine line to tread and I must say it's does scare me that maybe I'm not doing it right!
Single parents is quite difficult (forget about the legal stuff) and not for us as the parents but for the children - at every point a child needs their mom and dad, for parents to deny this is quite immature and certainly does not help in the long term future stability of the child, having said that at least we have one set of rules and no fighting to contend with - but it is difficult, with James and his deafness and his sport then Ross with his sport and music - you just seem to be running non stop, at least in the UK the support is great.
Great sites though thanks for the links
Must be honest and say that I have no idea what bringing up Connor with two parents would be like.
It's always only been myself and him (save for three months when he was born but even that's debatable) so I really don't know any other way.
I don't really wish it any other way... at the moment it's difficult because after all these years his father has decided that he would like parental responsibility. Since he has never helped in any way whatsoever with his upbringing, I find it very hard not to be bitter about this.
Like Cali, I've only ever known being a single parent. My ex & I separated when I was 5 months pregnant. I've done everything, from the labour to now on my own. My ex was sort of interested for a while but has never contributed financially & I've decided not to persue any child support as in the long run I think it's best not to have him involved in our lives. However, I do worry about what I'm going to tell my son when he eventually asks about his dad. It breaks my heart to think that my son is going to feel rejected & hurt by his dad.
Cali, I'd also be very bitter & resentful if my ex suddenly decided he wanted parental responsibility.
It's the fact of after six years of sheer nothing that bothers me the most. And also because Connor is curious about his father at age 6 and a bit.
I just feel... that well, I know I can't protect him forever... and that he will experience hurt and so on in his life. BUT while I am able to make his childhood a happy place and be able to protect him from certain things... I will do everything in my power to.
I understand how you feel, Cali. For me, this is the worst part of being a lone parent - trying to protect your child from hurt as much as possible. I'll never understand how people manage to simply ditch their kids. I'm sure that, like me, you once loved your son's father & wonder how you could've loved someone who turned out to be so cruel to their own child. I really think that abandoning your child must be one of the worst forms of child abuse.
Hi there, just thought i would add myself to this list!!! I have a 9yr. old son and i too have been 'single Mum' since the beginning, my son's father decided he couldn't face the responsibility when i was just over four months pregnant....There has never been any contact, because he doesn't want it and never did. I have often thought about what i would do if i was in the position you are in Cali, if he suddenly decided he wanted contact..............And i agree that once you have done everything on your own so far, it is very difficult to imagine there being someone else trying to take part in any way.
There are times when i wish there was someone there to support me through difficult decisions regarding my son's life etc. but at the end of the day i have got used to making them myself, got used to being Mum and Dad at the same time, not sure if i have the balance right, but doing the best that i can and also got used to ALWAYS being there, disciplining and loving, even when i am having an off day myself ..................................
I just wanted to say that I really to admire and take my hat off to you mothers who have been taking the load on your own for so long with children. With my husband away a lot, on my bad days I often moan, thinking I might as well be a single parent! But at the end of the day, it is not the same, and I take my hat off to you! :thumbs: