There was a church that had problems with
outsiders parking in its parking lots, so they put up a sign:

CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY
Trespassers will be baptized!"


CHURCH SIGN BOARDS:

"No God - No Peace"
"Know God - Know Peace."

"Free Trip to heaven."
"Details Inside!"

"Try our Sundays."
"They're better than Dairy Queen's".

"Searching for a new look?"
"Have your faith lifted here!"

"People are like tea bags" --
"you have to put them in hot water before you
know how strong they are."

"Fight truth decay"
"study the Bible daily."

"How will you spend eternity"
"Smoking or Nonsmoking?"


Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"


"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the
wages of sin."

"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to
church."

"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God
allows U-turns."

"If you don't like the way you were born, try
being born again."

"Looking at the way some people live, they
ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."

"This is a ch_ _ ch."
"What is missing? - (U R)"

"In the dark?"
"Follow the Son."

"Running low on faith?"
"Step in for a fill-up."

"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep."
"Talk to the Shepherd."

"Come work for the Lord."
"The work is hard, the hours are long and the
pay
is low. But the retirement benefits are out of
this
world"

An ad for one Church has a picture of two
hands
holding stone tablets on which the Ten
Commandments
are inscribed and a headline that reads,
"For fast, fast, fast relief, take two
tablets."

When the restaurant next to another Church put
out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church
reciprocated with its own message:"We are open on Sundays, too"


AND THE WINNER IS !

- ON THE PASTOR'S PARKING SPOT -

"PASTOR'S SPOT"
"YOU PARK, YOU PREACH"