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+--- Thread: Who can stay friends (/Thread-Who-can-stay-friends)
Who can stay friends - Ndlovu - 04-01-2007
Hi guys and gals- verry long time no see
I've a dilema that i'm wrestling with. I'm going through a break-up with my now ex-partner that she called for sighting that her feelings for me had changed. Things had not been going swimmingly well but there was never any violence, not even any swearing or shouting matches leading up to this. We'd become stuck in a rut and i was making a valiant attempt to lose weight, therefore gain confidence and the rest that follows on from that. she left her notepad on the dining table one day and in it I read that she had the hots for her piltes instructor- she had been going on a bit about him as though I was her gay friend and might agree... and then a day later read that she really wanted his number I put it to her that all my recent efforts to put some spark back had been in vain as she had dediced that she was going to go for Ryan anway, and would she be kind enough to tell me when I was going to be told had I not read her thoughts in her diary. she declined to comment and has since moved into a flat on her own, this was 10 Decembner. Long story short- we're finalising all the mortgage matters and splitting what we had built up together.
She says she wants to remain friends. I am torn on this - How do you stay friends with someone who has hurt you so badly. and if I'm such an *** why does she want to be friends?
Who can stay friends - TheDuck - 04-01-2007
Ndlovu Wrote:and if I'm such an *** why does she want to be friends?
so you can buy her supper once a month in the hope that it may lead to sex?
on a serious note .. sorry to hear about the situation .. however a New Year is probably a good time to celebrate to opportunities of the year ahead
its going to be a good one so don't ponder any longer and make the most of all the days
Did I mention .. a Happy New Year to you
Who can stay friends - dudette - 04-01-2007
My sympathies. What a time for it all to go petong.
She probably just doesn't want any unpleasantness. It would be perfectly reasonable for you to suggest not seeing each other in the near future in order to get ver the worst of it. Then when you feel you are ready, perhaps you could pop in for a few moments and feel the water.
Most importantly, don't let this make you lose motivation for getting more fit and more confident... YOU are the person you should be focussing on, not her.
Meanwhile, veels geluk :thumbs:
Who can stay friends - oe-la-la - 05-01-2007
Sorry to hear this Ndlovu. Break-ups are never easy.
I agree with dudette to focus on yourself from now on, and make the best of each day - if that is what she has done to you, she don't deserve you anyway. :luck:
Chin up mate
Who can stay friends - TheDuck - 05-01-2007
you can trust the women to be so sensible
but tis the truth
:luck:
Who can stay friends - John01 - 05-01-2007
ndlovu, you have my sympathy, it is a highly unpleasant time for you. dudette is spot on with her comments. It is very hard thing to do when your sad and depressed, but you must learn to love yourself again before anything else. Getting fit and loosing weight will help by giving you a sense of accomplishment.
The friendship story is a load of cobblers. It is nearly impossible to convert what was once a romantic relationship back to a friendship. It is perhaps a good ideal to aim for but in reality it just about never happens. Too many bad memories! To me it sounds like your ex partner has behaved in a particularly callous manner.
The thing to focus on is staying sane. Remind yourself a hundred times that the way you are feeling now will not last forever and try not to blame yourself for the break-up. See a help group like RELATE if you think that might help. DonÂ’t isolate yourself.
Who can stay friends - Ndlovu - 06-01-2007
hi all,
Thanks for the advice. Once I have the flat in my own name and all other paperwork sorted, I will be telling her that though the idea is nice I cannot hold any false pretences and remain friends after what I've been put through and that I would appreciate no further contact.
This will be tricky as Edinburgh is not huge and we have mutual friends, the same ones she claimed were "older" than her, and one of these is her new landlord, and she parks her car at another friends place - will be phoning to see if she is in the neighbourhood before visiting then.
Her company is expanding into Spain and I hope she makes the move there with them. Edinburgh is too small for the both of us...
Who can stay friends - The Phoenix - 06-01-2007
Ndlovu Wrote:hi all,Hi Ndlovu:
Thanks for the advice. Once I have the flat in my own name and all other paperwork sorted, I will be telling her that though the idea is nice I cannot hold any false pretences and remain friends after what I've been put through and that I would appreciate no further contact.
This will be tricky as Edinburgh is not huge and we have mutual friends, the same ones she claimed were "older" than her, and one of these is her new landlord, and she parks her car at another friends place - will be phoning to see if she is in the neighbourhood before visiting then.
Her company is expanding into Spain and I hope she makes the move there with them. Edinburgh is too small for the both of us...
What a horrible time for you. I am so sorry.
For what it's worth: When marriage #2 for me went wrong, for reasons which I won't bore you with, it took me 2 years to get over. Pain every day, and for the first 6 months there was smoking, drinking, pills... what a wreck. Then I woke up one morning, almost 2 years to the day later, and the pain just wasn't there. It was gone, and I was through it. That was almost 6 years ago. And the reason I mention all this is that, now, I could cope with some contact (not 'friendship', but contact) with the ex. It's definitely a girl thing to 'stay friends' and the guys will say to hell with her, and have no friendship. That's exactly how I was too. However, you may find, in 5 years or so, that it would be nice to hear something every now and again... Therefore, I say: firmly close the door now - you need to grieve, and heal - but leave a window there... so that, at some time in the future, if and when it suits you, you can open it and say 'HI' to her, should you wish to.
Good luck, and have courage.
TP
Who can stay friends - iceman - 07-01-2007
Hi Ndlovu
Speaking from experience, I say close the door for good, move on and never look back. Yes, she might want to still be friends but your next love might not think thats such a good idea.
Good luck mate.
Who can stay friends - Ade - 08-01-2007
Ndlovu Wrote:She says she wants to remain friends....Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it...
I go with iceman