23-03-2005, 09:27 AM
..... Through it all, I didn't think all that much about my dad. He was in my past, which I had put behind me. I was a Christian, and I know I was supposed to forgive others. I read in the Bible that we had to forgive if God were going to forgive us. So yes, I forgave my dad -- or so I thought.
And then on day Florence Littauer invited me to go to a seminar that her friend Lana Bateman was conducting ast a nearby hotel. I didn't really know what it was about, only that Florence thought it would be good for anyone. So I just walked into the hotel room... and almost immediately the tears began to flow.
The spirit of God had prepared my heart for a remarkable experience in coming to terms with my pas and growing closer to him. Part of what I realized that weekend was that I still had a lot of pain concerning my father. I thought I had forgiven him when I had reallyu only boxed up my anger and resentment and stored it away - like sealing a bunch of toxic waste in a barrel and burying it underround. In order truly to forgive, I had to bring out that anger and resentment and actually hand them over to God, trusting him to take them away from me.
That weekend I began the process of truly forgiving my father and letting God restore my relationship with him. I admitted to myself that I needed healing. Even though my dad was long dead, I wrote him a long letter, pouring out both my love and my fury. I confessed the anger and bitterness I had held onto for so long without even knowing it was there.
All this was hard work. It demanded all my courage, all my energy. But what a difference that weekend made in my life. I poured out my cup of resentment. I let the Lord wash it bright and clean, and then I knew the awestruck wonder of having my cup filled to the brim with sparkling forgiveness - forgiveness for my father, and forgiveness for myself. What a wonderful feeling! I was clean, washed clean, drinking from a clean cupl.
But that was not the end of the story.
Not long afterward, someone mentioned my father. And I was shocked to recognize the quick flash of anger, the stubborn, involuntary clenching of my jaw. The resentment was still there, or it had come back.
What was going on? Was that whole difficult weekend in vain?
Hadn't I emptied my cup of bitterness and let God fill it with forgiveness?
Oh yes!
The forgivenss I experienced that weekend was real., But now I was learning something very important about my cup of forgiveness.
It leaks!
For most of us, most of the time, forgiveness is an ongoing process, not a "done deal". Forgiveness is an absolute necessity for healthy living, the onlyknow antidote to the bitterness and resentment and anger that flow naturally and abundantly when selfish human beings rub up agains other selfish human beings.
But my cup of forgiveness seems to be one of the leakiest cups I own. It can be brimming over one day and empty the next - or refilled with bitter resentment over the same hurt I thought I had forgiven. In fact, I can quickly accumulate enough pain and hurt and resentment to fill several cups, stacked up and precariously balanced.
All this can be discouraging.
"God, I thought I had let go of that!"
"God, I really want to forgive. Why is it so hard?"
But it can also be a source of faith, a reminder that we mjust keep going back to our forgiving Father for this cleansing elixir. We can't manufacture it ourselves; it always comes by the grace of God.
.... continue
And then on day Florence Littauer invited me to go to a seminar that her friend Lana Bateman was conducting ast a nearby hotel. I didn't really know what it was about, only that Florence thought it would be good for anyone. So I just walked into the hotel room... and almost immediately the tears began to flow.
The spirit of God had prepared my heart for a remarkable experience in coming to terms with my pas and growing closer to him. Part of what I realized that weekend was that I still had a lot of pain concerning my father. I thought I had forgiven him when I had reallyu only boxed up my anger and resentment and stored it away - like sealing a bunch of toxic waste in a barrel and burying it underround. In order truly to forgive, I had to bring out that anger and resentment and actually hand them over to God, trusting him to take them away from me.
That weekend I began the process of truly forgiving my father and letting God restore my relationship with him. I admitted to myself that I needed healing. Even though my dad was long dead, I wrote him a long letter, pouring out both my love and my fury. I confessed the anger and bitterness I had held onto for so long without even knowing it was there.
All this was hard work. It demanded all my courage, all my energy. But what a difference that weekend made in my life. I poured out my cup of resentment. I let the Lord wash it bright and clean, and then I knew the awestruck wonder of having my cup filled to the brim with sparkling forgiveness - forgiveness for my father, and forgiveness for myself. What a wonderful feeling! I was clean, washed clean, drinking from a clean cupl.
But that was not the end of the story.
Not long afterward, someone mentioned my father. And I was shocked to recognize the quick flash of anger, the stubborn, involuntary clenching of my jaw. The resentment was still there, or it had come back.
What was going on? Was that whole difficult weekend in vain?
Hadn't I emptied my cup of bitterness and let God fill it with forgiveness?
Oh yes!
The forgivenss I experienced that weekend was real., But now I was learning something very important about my cup of forgiveness.
It leaks!
For most of us, most of the time, forgiveness is an ongoing process, not a "done deal". Forgiveness is an absolute necessity for healthy living, the onlyknow antidote to the bitterness and resentment and anger that flow naturally and abundantly when selfish human beings rub up agains other selfish human beings.
But my cup of forgiveness seems to be one of the leakiest cups I own. It can be brimming over one day and empty the next - or refilled with bitter resentment over the same hurt I thought I had forgiven. In fact, I can quickly accumulate enough pain and hurt and resentment to fill several cups, stacked up and precariously balanced.
All this can be discouraging.
"God, I thought I had let go of that!"
"God, I really want to forgive. Why is it so hard?"
But it can also be a source of faith, a reminder that we mjust keep going back to our forgiving Father for this cleansing elixir. We can't manufacture it ourselves; it always comes by the grace of God.
.... continue