Coping with Miscarriage

[Beertjie]

Originally posted by Shellsbells
Talk about having the most ecstatic and disheartning two weeks rolled into one!


After very recently having found out I was pregnant, I was determined to do everything in my power to make this pregnancy work .. having suffered a miscarriage 2 years ago which was both a very physical and mentally traumatic experience, particulary the first of me knowing I was pregnant was because I loosing a baby .... I just knew something wasnt right, and when I passed out after loosing so much blood, the hospital confirmed what I thought - so you can imagine what i went through, blaming myself thinking maybe if I knew I was pregnant at the time, this wouldnt of happened ....

... anyway within half an hour of finding out this time I went down to Boots to get my Folic Acid tablets, the thought of drink made me sick and I cut down from 20+ ciggies a day to five within 24 hrs (to those of you who smoke will know what a feat this is!)

Everything was going fine for the first few days of me finding out .... without becoming graphic ... and to cut a long story short .... I lost the baby this weekend.

I have to go for a scan tomorrow at 9am

I feel so so quilty (for what I dont know) and hopeless ... what is wrong with me that I cant carry a child. I feel absolutely mortified.


The only consolation I can give to newly expectant mums though, is that according to the doctors I have seen over the past couple of days ... blood loss ... brown or red ... doesnt necessarily mean a miscarriage .... each case is different.

If anybody has been through a similar thing ... talk to someone ... more so to those who have been through it .... we seem to be forgotten about sometimes.

Shells my heart goes out to you. I know how difficult this is and I pray that you find peace. Nothing can prepare you the pain that you will experience. My advise to you is to grieve when you have to, ask people not to change the subject when you mention your baby and encourage them to talk to you about it.
Find out exactly what caused it and don't be afraid to push the medical staff to send you to the frequent miscarriage clinic where they do all the test to find out what might have caused it. This really helped me after all the miscarriages we finally got the results and the problem and best of all a very simple sollution.

I would never get over my pain I know that now but I do feel encouraged knowing that the problem is treatable.

My advise to all hubby's would be:

1. Talk about it
2. never say there will be a next one (this is the one they wanted)
3. Never say if only...
4. Be prepared to take some responsibilitys over in the house etc and do this for as long as it takes. A woman who lost a child sometimes becomes a little lost to this world and go through the motions without really noticing things around her.

When this happened to me I found out know one talked about miscarriages and I felt so alone. I wish more people would share their grieve because it does help other people heal faster.
After nearly a 16 months suffering in silence I feel that I can move on now. Without the help of my hubby I don't know if I would have made it.

Please send me a pm if you want to talk.

Lots of hugs
Beertjie