Questioning things...

[Icecub]

I have been through what you are going through My father passed in 1999 and at the time I was married to a Christian and I believed in God. I too questioned the reasons as to it all. Even more so when my ex started to use his 'Christian values' to beat me (never did it while my father was alive). I left my husband and I turned my back on God. I did become an athiest and hated all things religious - regardless of which one. This went on for quite a few years until I realised I was taking up too much energy hating. My moms partner helped me a lot by listening and letting me rant (staunch catholic). In time I started to make peace with myself and with the world around. I stopped hating my ex (though I will never forgive). I began to notice the beauty that surrounds me every day - small things like a butterfly, the sunset, the sound of young birds. I began to realise that athesism was not for me and became an agnositc. While I do not believe in the Gods of the faiths of this world I do believe in a being - one who allows us to have trouble and lets us learn from our mistakes. Lets us fail and watches as we grow and learn.

I do not believe in the bible as the truth but as a story that teaches us right from wrong. I am not a practicing Christian and doubt I will be again.

He/She may be God, may be an alien but either which way - Evolution or Creatism - not a bad place to be really.

Just look deep into yourself and believe what you want. Don't be swayed by others who insist they are right and all others are wrong. Only you will know the truth you seek.

Thanks for that reply Gwasi.

I should have expressed myself abit better...i am not blaming my questioning or anything on my Dad's death, i just think it awakened something in me which probably has been dormant for awhile.

I guess i probably had and still have alot of respect for my Dad, and i would not have expressed my feelings to him, as he was of the old school, just get on with it and stop feeling for yourself type of thing. Just as i will not express anything agnostic or such to my Mom, what is the point in upsetting her as this point in her life..(she has already had one stroke and i would hate to be the cause of another)

I think being raised in a very strict christian household did me no favours, i still to this day am very bitter about how we were brought up. I never had the conventional upbringing that most kids had, i was not allowed to cut my hair, i was not allowed to wear make-up, etc...alot of things were not allowed and i did approach my folks a few yrs after we moved here, and Mom did express her regret about certain things, she said she was only doing what was right at the time, but i cannot help harbouring bad feelings about it.orry:

So i suppose in a way religion is like a noose against my throat, i abhorr the way christians (not all of them) act thinking they are holier than thou, if you do not do their way, you are going to hell!

That is another thing which was banged into us...if you did this, you will pay for your sins, if you did that - you will be punished....to this day i fear certain things thinking if i do this, i am going to be punished. Not a nice feeling.:noway:

I also am looking at the bible thinking at how far fetched some of the stories really are, (here old school again...don't be a doubting thomas):yikes:

I would like to know if christians on here go by the old or the new testament??

So that is my story - still searching and looking!