Who can stay friends

[The Phoenix]

hi all,

Thanks for the advice. Once I have the flat in my own name and all other paperwork sorted, I will be telling her that though the idea is nice I cannot hold any false pretences and remain friends after what I've been put through and that I would appreciate no further contact.

This will be tricky as Edinburgh is not huge and we have mutual friends, the same ones she claimed were "older" than her, and one of these is her new landlord, and she parks her car at another friends place - will be phoning to see if she is in the neighbourhood before visiting then.

Her company is expanding into Spain and I hope she makes the move there with them. Edinburgh is too small for the both of us...

Hi Ndlovu:

What a horrible time for you. I am so sorry.

For what it's worth: When marriage #2 for me went wrong, for reasons which I won't bore you with, it took me 2 years to get over. Pain every day, and for the first 6 months there was smoking, drinking, pills... what a wreck. Then I woke up one morning, almost 2 years to the day later, and the pain just wasn't there. It was gone, and I was through it. That was almost 6 years ago. And the reason I mention all this is that, now, I could cope with some contact (not 'friendship', but contact) with the ex. It's definitely a girl thing to 'stay friends' and the guys will say to hell with her, and have no friendship. That's exactly how I was too. However, you may find, in 5 years or so, that it would be nice to hear something every now and again... Therefore, I say: firmly close the door now - you need to grieve, and heal - but leave a window there... so that, at some time in the future, if and when it suits you, you can open it and say 'HI' to her, should you wish to.

Good luck, and have courage.

TP