Seven years ago today a little boy came into our lives.

I'm sure you think that I don't need / deserve one, but I do...

So as soon as someone figures out my cryptic clues :cheeky: in the Rock Trivia thread I am going to give that one a break.

As for the Spot the Band thread, I'll leave you in Ade's very very capable hands

TC and don't misbehave while I'm gone :haha:

Just to let you know that I'll be AWOL for a while, I'll be very scarce the next 5 days or so and then away for a week as I'll be doing home improvements and :hols: for the next few weeks :cheer:

So enjoy resting your brains for a week or so :haha: and give :mrg: a well deserved rest :p

:fawkes:Seeing that it is Friday and Bank holiday weekend I am going to post this right here.... :fawkes:

At our Sainsbury's you can get Nestle/Carnation Caramel condensed milk! No more boiling for hours anymore.... not that I do it that often. :chef:

Anybody tried it yet? kate:

Hi - hopeing that someone can help me with this.
I am paid by cheque every month ( thank goodness this is almost over). My boss politely slipped the news in today that our cheques "might" bounce. I am not sure if he is being genuine or not. I do know the company is in financial difficulty. What are my rights if the cheque bounces - do I have to return to work?
He was talking about someone else who has to wait for the salary and I did point out if it was me and I was not paid on time I would not come into the office. Oh boy am I glad I am out of this soon. :wall:

Cop pulls over a taxi.
Cop says: "License please."
Taxi driver says: "What for?"
Cop: "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Taxi driver: "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Cop: "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License please."
Taxi driver: "What's the difference?"
Cop: "The difference is you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License please!"
Taxi driver: "Heish ... if you can show me the difference between slow
down and stop, I'll give you my license and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."
Cop says: "Exit your vehicle, sir."
The taxi driver gets out of his taxi, whereupon the cop takes out his truncheon and starts beating the crap out of the taxi driver and says: "you want me to stop or just slow down?"

EISH, DIE COP HY EXPLAIN BAIE MOOI !

Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always
circle the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment
from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain
and check that it has gone.

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the
object you wish to view.


Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.


Always poo at work, not only will you save money on toilet paper but
you'll also be getting paid for it.


Weight watchers. Avoid that temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in
the cupboard or fridge by not buying the thing in the first place.


Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The morning
after, you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble
full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.


Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by
filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach then
urinating into it, before jumping in.


Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.


Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids by
running a bit slower.


Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your next cig
from the butt of your last one.


Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your
cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to
insulate your roof.


Nissan Micra drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car
before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems
anyway, so it may as well look like one.


A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep.


Avoid bickering and petty arguments by immediately punching anyone with
whom you disagree.


Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by banging
your feet twice on each stair.


At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next customer
Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.


Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the
fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.


AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast
wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.


HOUSEWIVES. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid
for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the
other in your coat pocket.


DON'T INVITE DRUG ADDICTS round for a meal on Boxing Day. They may find
the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost.

He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.

He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in Information Technology," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going you have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.



The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

Only a few hours of work left for me before the weekend starts. :jive:

May you all have a great Friday and weekend and I'd better say week too as I won't be online much next week, I have 70 liters of paint that needs to be used. :yikes: and a lawnmower that needs riding too :haha:

:haha:

pure class