Rose was shopping for a bra and the salesgirl said, "The French say that the perfect breast fits in a champagne glass"

Rose replied, "Well, I'm British, have you got anything that comes in a beer mug?"

This May Come As A Surprise To Those Of You Not Living In Las Vegas, But There Are More Catholic Churches Than Casinos.

Not Surprisingly, Some Worshippers At Sunday Services Will Give Casino Chips Rather Than Cash When The Basket Is Passed.

Since They Get Chips From Many Different Casinos, The Churches Have Devised A Method To Collect The Offerings.

The Churches Send All Their Collected Chips To A Nearby Franciscan Monastery For Sorting And Then The Chips Are Taken To The Casinos Of Origin And Cashed In.

This Is Done By The Chip Monks.

Philemon had a bad attendance record with the company he worked for,
particularly being late for work in the morning. He was called to a
disciplinary hearing where he was given a chance to explain his reasons.

His argument: "I get up in the morning. I shower to avoid Aids, I look
in the mirror and try tuh straiten my hair. Then I sumtimes miss de texi
and then I am late."

His boss has a bright idea. He gets one of Philemon's colleagues to
sneak into Philemon's rooms and steal the mirror off the wall, without
Philemon's knowledge.

The following day Philemon does not turn up for work. The same happens
the day after that. So Philemon gets summoned to another hearing to
explain his reasons for not attending work.

His argument: "I get up in de morning. I shower to avoid Aids, I look in
de mirror. I see no Philemon. I think Philemom alredy left for work"

I am sure there are others out there who have had to cope with the loss of a loved one from afar. To start at the beginning. I lost my eldest brother in a freak air crash 30 June 04. I had only just returned from SA, having spent 3 weeks with him over there. I went over for 2 weeks for the funeral and the like, but I have not been able to come to terms with his loss. My other brother, who used to see him every day (they both had businesses at Lanseria airport), has accepted it all. I sometimes think it is because I'm so far away that I tell myself it is not really true and in this way push it to the back of mind until it surfaces again. How on earth am I going to come to accept it all? I think my husband feels a bit helpless at times like these. :wall: Any help out there?

:wall: I applied for my British citizenship in January 06. After 3 weeks I received a letter from Liverpool to say that they had my passport (SA), my and my husband's birth certificates and our marriage certificate. Since then I have not heard anything from them. When looking on the website, they say it is now taking 5.19 months to process applications, but in the small print they say that any application received in Oct 05 should be processed by Jun 06. Can anyone tell me how long their application has taken? I am looking at meeting my best friend from SA in Venice in Sept and want to book my flights, but am not sure whether I'll have my passport back. They also say that if you need your passport for emergencies, you lose your place in the queue and have to pay another £268. Can anyone out there advise?

Basic Bread rolls:
Y= 4 large rolls/ 1 medium loaf

375g Strong white bread flour
10g Castor sugar
15g Maldon salt
20g Chopped basil
30ml Olive oil
25g Wet yeast (or 1x7g dried yeast)
210ml Warm water

Method:
Add the yeast to the water and allow reaction (approximately 10minutes). Sieve flour and sugar into an electric mixing bowl. Add the salt and chopped basil.
Mix on low setting until ingredients are spread throughout. Add the olive oil. Slowly incorporate the water mixture and mix until it pulls away from the bowl.
Turn out onto a floured surface and gently knead for a minute. Return to the greased bowl and cover with a damp cloth. Leave in a warm area to prove for approximately 30 minutes.
Divide mixture into 4 equal portions and shape. (Optional: Add any ingredients e.g. Sun dried tomato, olives, cheese etc. into the bread and fold in.
Note: onion or mushrooms should be cooked beforehand and not mixed in raw.) Allow resting on a baking sheet and moistening with a water spritzer at regular intervals. Allow proving for a further 15 minutes.
Sprinkle some rock salt on top and place in a pre-heated (220c) oven for 6 minutes (to colour).
Reduce temperature to 160c and bake for a further 30-35 minutes. (Test whether there is a hollow sound to the bread when you gently tap the base. This will indicate that itÂ’s cooked through.)
Remove from oven and allow cooling. Serve warm with infused olive oil or butter.

Hi and good morning to each and every one of you and do hope that you all have a good day wherever you are and whatever you are doing.

Thank you to those who sent me goog luck wishes yesterday either here on the site or by mail, it was really appreciated. Have to wait a few days and then undergo several more tests.

We tend to forget just how much they contribute to sport and just how much effort they put in to reach the top in their sport. Congratulations to him and may he continue to go from strength to strength.

>1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and
>make clockwise circles.
>
>
>2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your
>right hand.
>
>
>
>Your foot will change direction.
>I told you so .....And there's nothing you can do about it

Today I've received a letter form my kids school (here in Canada) to notify the parents that there has been a case of "Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease" in the school. :eek: :yikes:

„The symptoms are discrete grayish lesions which may progress to larger ulcers in mouth, on palms of hands and soles of feet. It is spread by direct contact with nose and throat discharges and feces of infected persons by sneezing. The symptoms usually appear between 3-5 days”

If you see any signs of the Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease, (being a sudden onset of a rash, fever and sore throat), please contact your family doctor to advise of the exposure.

Few Months ago there was a lice problem

When I was at school in South Africa we had never these problems...........maybe it was the burning hot sun that killed all the lice & diseases