Children & Emigration

[Venus]

As most of you know, I've recently got married & moved with my 4 year old son to Denmark. My son is really battling to settle. He's never been a good eater but has now basically stopped eating. I cannot remember when he last had a meal. We've taken him to the doctor & have an appointment to see a paediatrician later this month. He also tells me almost on a daily basis that he's so sad. ad: He misses my dad, who he is very close to. He misses his friends & he misses our old routine. He's also battling to fit into his new kindergarten because of the language barrier. He is starting to learn Danish at kindergarten so I'm hoping this will help him. As you can imagine, I'm very worried about him. Did any of you experience similar problems when you emigrated with your children? What can I do to try to help him?

[John01]

sent PM

[nikkinaz]

Venus - Hi, I came across the title of this book on another website and I am not sure it will relate a 100% to Danny but maybe you will find something helpful in these books.

Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds
David C. Pollock, Ruth E. Van Reken (not sure if this is for you -- but perhaps you can read the synopsis on Amazon)

When Abroad, Do as the Local Children Do: Ori's Guide for Young Expats
Hilly van Swol-Ulbrich, Bettina Kaltenhauser (this one is interactive for Parents and Children - to help understand things)

Hope they might help!

[Pronkertjie]

Awwww Venus - sorry to hear it is not getting better.

Thinking of you!

:hug:

[Icecub]

Oh shame, thinking of little Danny, we always think kids are resilient and can handle the moves - but they are equally traumatised and miss their familiar surroundings... :wings:

I hope he settles in nicely Venus, all i can say is my son fitted in with ease, granted he was three and also the language barrier was okay - but i can only guess how he is sukkeling with the language barrier in Denmark.

Are there perhaps any english speaking kids where Danny goes? That would help a tremendous amount.

:luck:

[dudette]

Aww poor Danny! Any change is stressful for any kids, especially when one also has to learn a new language on top of that.

Is it possible for your Dad to visit you there? What about taking Danny out to a fun adventure park and take loads of photos of him having a great time there, and really plug happy things to do, taking loads of photos of him and you all happy there. I saw one of those nanny programs where Jo did it (can't remember the point of that activity, but it made sense at the time).
Once you've developed the photos, stick them on your fridge door, around his room and everywhere he goes during the day, and use opportunities to keep reminding him of exciting things you're doing here in Denmark , hopefully giving him positive feelings about his new country.

What about giving him a pet of his very own in his new home? at 4 he should be quite capable of taking care of one... if you point out to him his little pet is feeling lonely far away from his home, and this is his new home with Danny now, you could foster empathy, the responsibilities of feeding and caring for it might give him a different focus and could help him get over his feelings of homesickness.

Also, I know this is probably not the case, but language barriers aside, I would also keep my senses alert to the playgroup themselves to be certain they are giving him the best care possible, and there is not something that is specifically making him unhappy there.

It is difficult making such big adjustments, especially for children, but I am sure he will pull through once he makes more headway in speaking the language.
Hang in there. It will get better.





:luck: :hug:

[Almitra]

Very sorry to hear about Danny, Venus ........

Thinking of how difficult it can be for us adults, just think how much worse it must be for him !!!

Everything Dudette says makes very good sense to me - when reading your post I thought about a pet too.

Sterkte !!

:lovef:

PS: Dudette, you must be an amazing mother .....

[Venus]

A big thank you for all your support, input & advice. :lovebuzz:

Nikkinaz, I'll definitely investigate those books. They sound like they'll be useful, especially seeing as we're a family of three different nationalities.

Dudette, you have given wonderful advice. Danny & I will be visiting my Dad later this month. We also allow Danny to phone, text & email my Dad whenever he feels "homesick". We are planning to go somewhere fun this weekend so I'll definitely use the photo idea. Fortunately, we live in an area frequented by holiday makers so there are lots of fun activities during the summer months.

I must admit that I'm not 100% happy with the kindergarten he's going to but it's the only one in our area & at least the children are local. Also the teachers are making a very big effort to help him. It's very different from the pre-school he was attending in UK.

We have recently adopted two cats & Danny does love them. They've certainly helped to make me feel more settled. :p

Cubbie, there is a little girl in Danny's class who has just started learning Danish. Her father is American. She & Danny are being given an hour of Danish lessons together. We've also just discovered that they live across the road from us. After talking to her mom, it seems this little girl has been through pretty much the same as Danny. We've arranged that the two of them play together at home too, hoping they can become friends.

[Curio]

Hi Venus. I do hope little Danny settles in soon. I think you have been given some great advice. That's nice that you now have 2 cats and to keep in touch with your dad will be good for Danny as well. Hope the Danish lessons with his new friend will go well. Keep us posted.

[Venus]

Thanks, Curio.