An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.

Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"

To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants".

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.

Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.

"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.

After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's ****.

While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.

Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.

"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"

Admin :edit: new thread started from thread under 'a little more serious' forum

TracyW Wrote:How come they get everyone else but after all this time still cannot find the main man himself?

Good morning people on this Friday morning and hope you all have a wonderful day.

With the weekend just round the corner I do hope that you all have a very enjoyable weekend. :jive: :weekend: :weekend:

need help URGENTLY.

I do not have a hotel booking ? Sugegstions please.

I am there till Tuesday ...

Would you suggest I travel Zurich (advised by my some to do that) and some say Lusern or Bern ?

Help asseblief ... leaving in 8 hours :jive:

Saw this link on egullet..

http://www.hanlincrest.com/scan0001.tif

No doubt the bankers/ Russian elite etc will get their bookings in early.. :wall:

Sometimes it would be great to throw caution to the wind and simply enjoy the dinner no matter the cost.

Sadly I'll probably be working on the 16th - well it's my excuse for not going :p

What's yours?

I absolutely hate seeing such images .... ouch

in the first photo you would be forgiven for thinking that the player is faining injury etc



but when you see the 2nd image ... I just want to turn away



It just doesn't seem possible that a leg can do that

And poor Cisse was hoping to impress at the World Cup so he could get a lucrative move from Liverpool ... well that's that then

in the old days there was no way back from such injuries ... he broke his left leg just over a year ago .. so hopefully he is able to recover in the same manner

:am:

Happy Tuesday everyone.....

Looks like another lovely warm unny: day! :yes:

Enjoy your day.....

:daisy: